Merrily We Roll Along

I wish I could report that we did something this weekend but I can't. We did nothing. Except, I did get to go to Lake Tahoe with Hick ~ well, in a way. I enjoyed it while it lasted. I've never been there before but it looks absolutely beautiful. The mountains, the blue lakes ~ wow.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement on my last post. I woke up Saturday morning to realize that it was true and really did happen. She has spent the most part of the weekend in her room other than when she goes outside to paint.



Do the crime, do the time.



Here's a close-up of her face to show the misery.

You might be wondering what that is on her arm.
I ran out of latex gloves for her to use to keep the paint off of her hands so I gave her a palpating glove ~ these are gloves someone would use to check if a cow is pregnant. That's why it is so long. No, I don't do this sort of thing ~ they are here for when the vet comes and are for her arms only ~ ick, ick, ick. So, Jessica wasn't amused at all about having to wear this.
(**evil laugh here**)

We stayed home Saturday since it was rainy ~ we watched Spanglish and I cried at the end over the mother/daughter thing.

Sunday we went to church ~ was really hopeful that the sermon would be about dishonesty but it wasn't. I know my daughter listens to his sermons ~ he brings it down to where even the children understand. I like that.

Landon decided 10 minutes before we were to be at church that he wanted to play a solo for the congregation with his new harmonica. I knew the church would love it as we only have about 50 members who are almost all over the age of 70. I asked him if he knew any church songs and he said no but that he knew "Merrily We Roll Along" ~ I said he really needed to practice a church song so we should wait until we had time to practice. He brought his harmonica song book to me and asked me to find a church song. I found "When The Saints Go Marching In" and he agreed that he'd practice that one. He asked the preacher if he could and they made a deal that Landon would play it the last Sunday in June ~ and he would call it "Landon in Concert".

Today we went looking for a DVD player for the car. We've been talking about getting one for a while so now would be a great time to go ahead and do it. We didn't find one we wanted so plan to look again tomorrow.

I guess we are planning on leaving Wednesday to head to Houston to see my in-laws. My husband wants to stay 2 weeks. We did that at Christmas and I said I'd never stay that long again but with only 1 car I don't think I'll have much of a choice. I remember wanting to go home so bad I actually considered taking a Greyhound bus home ~ so, if THAT crossed my mind, I must have really been ready to come home. I don't mind 1 week but 2 just really pushes my patience. There is just no place like my own bed and doing my own thing. They seem to go to bed somewhere between 8 & 9 so we have to turn the TV down and tip-toe around. Drives me crazy. We don't ever go anywhere or do anything ~ my husband does all sorts of stuff with his dad while I get stuck sitting with the his mother and her mother and the kids. And that's what we do -- sit -- and sit some more. One great thing is that she cooks a huge meal every night ~ she lets me cook every now and then but it's one of those things she loves to do and I love being waited on.

I do plan on posting while I'm there though ~ she does have a computer. Everyday I will post and say "We sat", next day "We sat", next day "We sat again".

It never fails that my husband and I end up at one point arguing. I think I really try so hard to let him have a good time that it boils over in me and it all spews out on deaf ears. So, if I post and it says "$%@#&%*" ---- don't ask.

Really nothing new was really worth posting ~ just thought I'd check in and say thank you for all of your kind words that helped me so much this weekend ~ and to say thank you to Hick for letting me come along on her vacation. I had fun.

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am writing you this letter tonight because I cannot sleep.
In fact, I will have to sleep with 1 eye open for the rest of my life.

So Doc, if you have been following along with my blog you already know the trouble I have been having with my daughter. Please refer to my May 12th post entitled "12 Going on 30". As you read that post, you will notice my reference to that "Henry" character, the one that I instructed to stay away from my daughter as I will not allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Well, he's been coming around again ~ well, apparently he never left.

The reason I have had to resort to you (and by the way, I am sending a courtesy copy to God as He will probably be more help to me than you as Phil. 4:13 says: "I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me") is because I need to borrow your brains for a minute.

So the story goes like this:

My husband, my poor sleepy 8 year old son and I just returned from catching this fellow with my daughter at 11:20pm. We did a stake out like private eyes would do.

You know the saying, "Give an inch and they'll take a mile"? Yeah, she took 10 miles tonight.

She had been asking all week to go to the graduation tonight. After having her grounded for weeks now her dad finally said yes, she could go. We bought the dress (see last post), and had no reason to worry. The plan/deal was that she would go with her friends to get ready at someones house and after the graduation she was to spend the night with one of them. I told her this morning that I didn't know exactly what house this girls lived in and didn't have a telephone number and she assured me she would call me with it this afternoon when they got there. I waited around and no call. I wasn't worried at all because I figured they had gotten busy. I knew she would call when they got back to the friends house after the graduation was over.

10:00 pm ~ Phone rings. I'm thinking it's her.

It's a different friend of hers (thank the Lord I have). She kindly informs me that after the graduation, my daughter and her friend did go back to the friends house but found out when she had called over there that they had gone to a boys house to watch movies. She called this boys house to find that "Henry" answered the phone ~ she asked for my daughter ~ Henry says, "You're interrupting, stop calling".

I thank the friend for her helpful information and assure her I will never tell who told me. I told her thank you for being such a great friend to my daughter and watching out for her and her best interest. I explain to her that I am not a mean mom ~ I just care about the well-being of my daughter. She understood and gave me the phone number to the friend where my daughter was spending the night and the boy.

I chose to call the friends house first. I spoke to her mother who told me that they were at this boy's house (I was NOT happy, but was friendly enough to get what I needed). I got directions to her house so that we could sneak up on them when they were to be home at 11:00.

We jumped in the truck and found the friends house and set up our stake out.

Within 5 minutes here they came.

We get out to meet them at the car as the passenger door opens.

First guy gets out and gets 1 look at us and wants to run for his life. I say, "Are you Henry??" with a huge smile on my face (being sarcastic of course). "No".....

A girl gets out ~ then out jumps my daughter. I grabbed her by the arm and told her to get in the truck. Her dad and I stood at the door waiting for the last person to come out, which would have to be our dear friend Henry (I just hope he was scared to death as he did).

Out he comes ~ never seen the kid in my life.
Never want to see him again.

He looked old ~ too old for my daughter. More "manly" than the twit I expected.

I said, "So, are YOU "Henry"???"......."yes"

I look at my husband (still smiling) and said, "So, this is the one that cannot understand the words, "Stay away from our daughter!!!"

My husband points his finger in "Henry's" face.

Husband: "Do you want to ever see my face again?"

Henry: "yes" (fiddling with his fingers)

Husband: "Are you SURE?"

Henry: "yes"

Husband: "WELL, if you do then you listen to me this last time (points at daughter), STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!"

Henry: -silence-

Husband: "uuuuummmm..........yyyyyeeesssss......."

Henry: "Yes SIR!"

I walk off and leave them standing there because my husband had it under control and didn't need my 2 cents at that point.

Henry did continue to explain that he didn't know we meant stay away from her completely that he thought that meant just not to call her. whatever

So Dr. Phil ~ I really need to figure out what a parent is to do. I also need your assistance in helping me find my daughter ~ because this person is not her. I thought I saw her the other day but my husband says he hasn't seen her in a long time. The girl that's here looks exactly like my daughter but doesn't act a thing like her ~ at least the one I thought I knew.

I do not feel hopeless but I do feel helpless. It's as if whatever she wants to do, the risk is worth it. I believe she thinks that while she serves the consequences for it, she can daydream about what she's in trouble for.

I take full responsibility for letting things slide at times ~ I pick my battles with her. I am always very careful of what I say to her and the words that I use. Never do I want her to look back and remember me having said something negative that she'd carry with her for the rest of her life not being able to get over it.

The reason I am so worried about my wording is because when I was about 16, I remember my dad saying to me, "If your grandmother ever dies it's because you gave her a heart attack". I remember as if it were yesterday ~ those words echo on to this day even though she's already gone. Though it was probably said in the heat of the moment, to me it was technically a guilt trip. I carried that guilt trip with me up until shortly after she died. (I didn't give her a heart attack ~ she died of natural causes). I am just so scared to make that same mistake saying something to my daughter to get her attention.

I have considered counseling for her ~ mainly because she has never met or known her real father and she has never really bonded with my husband (now her stepfather) though she has had him as a father her entire life. The bond never happened because she has been so contrary her entire life. She has lied to his face so many times, even at a very young age, that he cannot trust her. She really has been a pain in the butt to him and then she manipulates me which makes him even more upset.

The reason I have never had her counseled is mainly because I feel that by doing so "creates a problem". I have talked to her before about whether she would want to talk about it with our pastor or someone we do not know and she says no ~ she says she doesn't care about him anyway. So, if I force her to go it's (to me) saying "yes, you do have an issue about it even though you say you don't". She never, ever talks about him ~ has no desire at all to meet him. I just feel like it's really an issue "I" have and not her.

The fact is that this whole "I think I'm in love" thing is normal. But to totally disregard any boundary lines we have drawn just blows my mind.

The whole punishment thing doesn't seem to be working. What am I supposed to do, ground her to her room with nothing for the entire summer? Because I can't say for certain on the first day of school she wouldn't pull this same type of thing again. I simply do not trust her.

I haven't trusted her since she was in 2nd grade, Dr. Phil.
When she told the teacher she didn't have a bed.
She had to sleep in the closet.
She couldn't do her homework because she had to work on the roof of the house.

The teacher and I sat her down and had a piece of paper. We explained that the paper represented "trust". Then the teacher tore the piece of paper in half and said, "This is what happeneds when you lie ~ the trust is broken. You can tape it with scotch tape, masking tape, electrical tape, glue or stickers ~ but it will never be the same again."

That scenerio has been drilled into her brain time and time again.

So, Dr. Phil ~ I don't need help with the "I think I'm in love" thing but the how do I teach my daughter the importance of trust. If I pull the same stunt on her by lying to teach her a lesson ~ that doesn't seem like the right answer. For me to lie to her about something that makes her end up brokenhearted ~

I do believe in the power of prayer.
My prayer may already be answered but will be revealed in God's timing, not mine. The Bible says God does not give us more than we can bear, but I'm not sure why He thought I'd be a great parent ~ I am really bad at this. I freak out so fast when something goes wrong because I have worked so hard in paving the road to her future.

I just want her to learn from her mistakes and it's up to ME to see that that happens or she will grow up and be unaccountable and irresponsible.

So, Dr Phil ~ any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

But you know as well as I that I will never get around to really mailing you a letter. I don't want my dirty laundry being broadcast for the whole world to know.

I'll Miss You While You're Gone

Goodbye to my peace and to my sanity.
It was bound to happen ~ just wish not so soon.

Today is the last full day of school for my kids.
Tomorrow is only a 1/2 day and Friday they let out at around 10:00 for summer break. At 10:01 I can already predict what will happen ~ all I will hear for the coming months are the 2 words, "I'm bored". I don't know how they will possibly be able to say this but they will.

I will hear, "We don't ever do anything", "We don't ever get to do anything fun", or "I want to go to Disneyland like everyone else". I will spend the next months asking myself the same questions, "Why me?" and "They have to be kidding".

We plan on leaving for Houston sometime next week to stay about 2 weeks. My daughter doesn't want to go and wants me to agree to let her stay with a friend while we go. She already knows she is going to be bored if she goes ~ it's already set in stone in her brain.

At some point I plan to take a trip to Colorado to spend a week or two with my mom so she can see the kids ~ it's been almost a year since we've seen her. She has big plans to take them shopping and take us to some hot springs up in the mountains ~ she & I are both really excited. But my son who hates to leave the house is already saying, "It's too far ~ I don't want to go ~ I don't want to go to the hot springs because the water will be hot". I'm sure we'll go camping and riding through the mountains in their dune-buggy ~ hiking, fishing, and swimming.

I do know this:
All my son wants to do all summer is play on a slip & slide.
All my daughter wants to do is shop.....everyday.....nonstop.

What is the deal with slip & slides anyway? I'm sure we all had one when we were little but now that I'm older I just can't understand what makes a kid want to throw themselves down on a piece of wet plastic and keep their fingers crossed it is wet enough that you do not hit a dry patch and take all the skin off their body. (Side note: I know why he suddenly wants one ~ he begged me to buy him one the other day and when I didn't he came home and drug one of my extra vinyl shower curtains out into the front lawn and put the sprinkler on it ~ it was too short so he didn't get to slide far enough ~ and YES, this DOES TECHNICALLY MAKE US REDNECKS but you gotta do what ya gotta do sometimes.)

I'm sure the slip & slide will keep him occupied for about 2 hours out of the summer.

My daughter on the other hand thinks she has won the lottery ~ which technically for being 12 years old, she has. My wonderful father decided to employ her as a fence painter. He told her he would pay her $400.00 to paint a corral that he had built. To me ~ that is alot of money for someone that age, but my thinking at the time was that should keep her busy over the summer spending that much money and that she won't be begging me for any. So, I volunteered my assistance to her which has now turned into "my" thing. It has been 3 weeks now and we should be finished by now but we are just over 1/2 way done. Since it's gotten so hot during the day and I need to stay out of the sun only leaves me about 2 hours/day to work on it. She, on the other hand, will not work on it if I'm not out there with her.

I have tried to get her to fire me but she won't.
I have quit ~ but I keep going back.
If we want this done in my lifetime I cannot quit.

When she is out there she generally has her radio blasting to someone singing something about a "Candy Shop" which leaves me blowing a gasket and about breaking my neck to get to the stereo to shut it off before it poisons my childs brain. All I have to say to that guy is "Mister.....my child is not taking you to the Candy Shop........she is 12!!"

So, with all the work that has yet to be done she already has the money spent of course ~ just waiting for it to be handed over to her. She is buying 3 pair of Abercombie & Fitch jeans, a pair of Abercrombie & Fitch capris, and I think 2 or 3 Abercrombie & Fitch shirts. She knows that will take every last cent of that money but she doesn't care. I have only been in that store 1 time with her. I have no desire to return there seeing as how I am too old to wear those clothes yet I still would love to without looking like an old lady trying to be a kid again. Not to mention the fact that I would never in this lifetime pay that much for 1 article of clothing. I really do hate shopping with her in these stores she wants to go to ~ for example:

Abercrombie & Fitch
I walk in to this ungodly racket they call music that is going to shatter my brain ~ at which point the long blonde skinny little thing that works there has to literally YELL at me over the music, "CAN I HELP YOU FIND SOMETHING TODAY?!?!??!" I'm thinking why don't they just turn it down a notch?? Of course I want to ask where the heck is the clearance rack but I know my daughter would just die.

Spencer Gifts
I remember that we had one of these stores in our mall when I was growing up and I liked going in their too ~ they had lava lamps, woopie-cushions and fun stuff. I'm not sure if the store has changed or I've got older and crankier but where in the world did all the sex stuff come from?? Every T-shirt, every bumper sticker, every poster ~~ everything implies something about sex. Of course I am trying to shield my daughter from all this crap at which point I insist we leave because it's not fun like it was when I was 12. I just can't believe my mother would have let ME go in there seeing all that.

Rue-21
Why are they hanging only 1/2 the shirt up ~ where's the part that actually covers your body and why is it only the consistancy of a paper napkin?

Journey's Shoes
Really, why does someone need a pair of Doc Martin's that weigh 40 pounds? I don't know if it's my daughters big foot or if they are just heavy but I say no thank you to lugging those things around. Her 'thing' is Converse and Van's.....ick, ick, ick. Even the Converse that goes up past her ankles....and of course they have to be black and a screaming hot pink And I should add on the Van's (this is what my daughter says), ".....they must be 'old school' Vans". What does that mean? Kids wore Van's in the 80's ~ is that 'old school'? I really am not sure she even knows what she's talking about.

I don't know what the last place is that she loves but it has something to do with skateboarding and punk stuff. I can never figure out why we are even there because she doesn't even have a skateboard. But 1 thing about the whole punk/skateboard thing that confuses me is that when we were in this store she found a pair of pants and called across the store, "MOM, here they are!! This is what I want!! Come look!!" ~ I thought she was kidding when I saw that they were a pair of pants made by "Dickie" ~~ I could have sworn that Dickie brands are for farmers. I know for a fact that back in the 80's when I was growing up, only old men wore Dickies.

I did learn my lesson yesterday about just keeping my mouth shut on what I think is cute for her to wear. We went looking for a dress for her to wear Friday night to the 8th grade graduation ~ almost all of her friends are in 8th grade and everyone is going to be dressed up and she said that the only skirt she had to wear was too "puffy". ???

I always promised myself I would not be like my mother. I would always have style no matter what age I was. Ok, that must not have happened. "Pre-teens" do not like flower prints on anything. Mine just happens to like leopard print ~ uh, yeah ~ that ain't happenin'. So, she picked out the ugliest dress on the entire rack, tried it on and she thought she was absolutely beautiful. I bought it. All I cared about at that point is that she was covered in the places that needed to be covered.

So, things are going to be changing around here in the next couple of days and going back to the same power struggle as before. Our refrigerator will be empty again ~ lots of popcicles and ramon-noodles. What is that.....50 cents a meal? Because they will want 10 meals a day because they will always be hungry because they are "soooo bored".

Nervous Wreck

Note to self:
Never under any circumstances have your husband run late.

I was up at 6:00 trying to get everyone out the door no later than 7:00 this morning. I should have made sure I had the bathroom first so I could get ready, but the nice mom and wife that I am waited and helped everyone else until 6:59. My husbands very important doctors appointment was this morning at 9:00 downtown Dallas which I had wanted to go to meant we leave no later than 7:00.

7:01 ~ My husband starts pacing saying to me, "If you're not ready, hurry up".
7:02 ~ "We're gonna be late if you don't come on!"
7:03 ~ "We've gotta go!"
7:04 ~ "I'm leaving with or without you"
7:05 ~ We are in the truck ~ I look like crap as I had 4 minutes to get ready.

After dropping off the kids and started down the highway is when I realized how much I really hate when my husband is in a hurry and is behind the wheel. I need more than 1 seatbelt and a tranquilizer.

By the time we are starting to get into the city is when my husband loses all self control, I hold on for my life and try to hide my face so that no one can see who has chosen to be his passenger and must have a death wish. I don't think I blinked my eyes once ~ I tried closing them but would hear tires screeching and horns honking that I had to see what was happening.

This is when I am so thankful I live in the country where there is no traffic.

I try to explain to him that there is no need to wait until the last second to slam on the brakes before stopping for the car in front of us. I also explain that the doctors office will still be there no matter what time we get there ~ we just need to get there in 1 piece.

He cannot decide to stay in 1 lane for more than 30 seconds. Zig-zag in and out, in and out ~ slow down, gas to the floor, screeching stop ~ over and over. I think my jumping and noises I was making made it worse. He is the one (and we all can't stand these people) who drives on the shoulder when the sign says "Merge Left ~ Lane Ends" to shove himself in front of the path of lined up cars. I said kindly, "Why don't you just get behind the Yukon? Why are you playing this game with him trying to get in front?" He's not listening ~ but does manage to get in front of the Yukon with only 1/2 car length difference between it and the car in front.

I then ask which way he plans to get there ~ not that any route is going to be faster than the other at this point as they are filled with traffic bumper to bumper. He decides to take the Tollway ~ now, let me ask you this. Who in the world doesn't ask themselves, "Do I have money or change if I take the Tollway?" BEFORE they get on the tollway??? The answer ~ my husband. By the time its too late to get off this road without paying something is about the time he realizes he has no money in his wallet ~ just his debit card. I have no money either except for some pennies in the bottom of my purse. At this point I am losing my patience wondering where in the world he left his brain and why is it that I have to be put in these situations because of his inability to have a plan. We get to the first toll booth where you toss your 75 cents into the bin ~ he grabbed the change from the slot in his door and threw it in there without counting it and keeps driving~ at which time an alarm starts blaring as if we had really commited a crime. I sit there for a minute wondering if we can get a ticket ~ what if he only had 10 pennies? What if they have a camera and can see our license plate and the back of my head in the picture? I should have ducked.

By the time we got to the 2nd toll booth I had crawled under, behind, and around every seat to find 1 quarter, 2 nickels and 40 pennies.

I then say to my husband that I am going to need the doctor to give me some sort of stress treatment for my head by the time we get there ~ like relaxation therapy, blinders and headphones for the way home. He says, "A gag would be fine".

So sorry to the little old lady in the gold Nissan Altima who just happened to be about 6 blocks from where we needed to be in 1 minute where he scared her by screeching his tires as he turned the corner to get around her.

He needs one of the bumper stickers that says, "Sit down, shut up and hold on".

Meltdown

I wasn't going to post today because I certainly don't want to be the one to blame for putting someone in a bad mood with my ranting ~ so stop reading at any time. It's been one of those days so I wouldn't blame you a bit for just leaving now.

As I previously posted, our a/c caught on fire a few days ago.
Lucky for us, it is 10 degrees above normal here this week and next week too. Even though we live on a hill and 6 days of the week it is so windy up here that we don't want to go outside ~ there is not a breeze and is hotter than words can even explain. It has been 92 for the last 2 days, and I believe it is to be 94 tomorrow.

I am going to croak.

My husband got so tired of hearing me complain that he finally put a window unit in our bedroom to shut me up. I hate window units but I have stopped complaining even though I can't leave the room or will be smothered again.

My house is a complete wreck.
I cannot leave this room.
The kids are sleeping in the floor by our bed.
I want to run away.
We are going to run away in 2 weeks. If I live that long.
We are going to Houston to get a new condensing unit.
1 good thing for me to be married to someone with connections and knows how to do it.

So, with the heat and sun brings on more problems for me.

2 years ago I went to a dermotologist.
Found out what I thought was a mole on my ear was a form of skin cancer.
Non-cancerous.
They removed it and told me to stay out of the sun.
I also have a small blotch on my face just above my upper lip that comes up every summer.
It is really not that dark ~ you really have to be pretty close to me to see it. But, it's dark to me ~ like a darker pigment in my skin. The doctor said it's from the sun ~ stay out of the sun and it won't show up.

Now, what part of stay out of the sun did I miss?
I heard him say it. I just didn't think he meant "stay out the sun" ~
I thought he meant don't go sit in the sun very long.
Don't go in the sun unless you really "want" to.

No, now I realize he really meant it ~ don't go in the sun.

I'm going to have to start doing what he told me. I'm to wear a hat and drench myself in sunscreen to keep this spot from coming up. He gave me a prescription cream that would fix it but it was $150.00. I didn't buy it. For some reason I figured it would go away at some point. I bought a special cream at Dilliard's that is supposed to bleach your skin. It doesn't work fast enough for me. Anything that doesn't work within an hour, forget it.

Today was Landon's last game ~ a double-header that ran from 10:00 - 1:30.
90 degree heat ~ no shade. No sunscreen ~ I didn't know my daughter lost it.
No hat ~ no umbrella. I am 34 ~ not 80 and I need an umbrella. good grief!

I'm thinking I am going to have to have some sort of laser treatment on it. It wouldn't be for anyone else except me because it is driving me crazy. From what I've read, if I do not follow a strict rule to stay out of the sun even after the laser, it will come back.

How in the world am I supposed to stay out of the sun in Texas on a farm?
I can't stay inside for the rest of my life. I love being outside.

A website said it is genetic ~ but I blame it on the state of Colorado. I grew up there and I think I was too close to the sun ~ it damaged my skin and I didn't know it until now. I know this sounds ridiculous but I can't figure out why this has happened to me.

My husband thinks I'm crazy for being so upset about this.
He looks at me from across the room and says he doesn't see it.
I say, "Come closer ~ it is there".
He says, "Kim, it's not that bad."
I say, "Honey ~ it looks like I've got dirt on my face. It looks like I've been drinking chocolate milk and forgot to wipe my mouth".
He says, "I love you no matter what you look like, but I can't see it."

Yes, he sees it.
I know he sees it.
He knows if he says he sees it I will freak out.

I just know that if anything weird is going to happen to anyone ~ it will be me.

Getting older is just no fun at all.

If you managed to stay awake and are still reading ~ thank you.
Everyone has to have a rant sometimes and today it's my turn.

Hoe-Down on the Farm

After posting my last post about myself, I thought several times about deleting it simply because I was saying more than I wanted to say ~ however, I am glad I did and left it. It is going to come in handy now that I'm posting this one.

To recap some of what you may already know, we moved here on this farm in 2000.
The house we live in was built in 1912. It was originally down the road from us but was moved to this location in the 50's when my grandfather bought this land. He used it as a little farm house ~ only a few people lived here for short periods of time before we moved in.

Somewhere between 500 - 1000 yards from our house is an old cemetary and it is not on our property. It sits somewhere on the line dividing 1 part of our 100 acres to the other 100 part of acres we have. This cemetary has no name, no head stones, no fence around it, no road to it, no markers....nothing. My husband and daughter have looked for it several times ~ I've been too chicken to go look because there are spooky trees around it and it creeps me out. It is not on our county map, not named as a one in the list of cemetaries. The only proof I have that it is there (other than the word of the older people who grew up here) is from the online UPS map ~ I looked up my address and it showed where it was supposed to be.

It's never bothered me in the least that it's there. From what I understand, those who are buried there were people who worked this land back in the old days. It seems that there are no more than maybe 12 buried there. I have at times doubted the fact that its there at all though everyone says it is ~ just no one can find it.

2 months after we moved here, my grandmother passed away. (It was her and her husband who bought this land). It was a difficult time for me because she was like a mother. She was the closest person to me to have died up until that point and I was very depressed and missed her so much. Shortly after her death is when I saw "Crossing Over with John Edward" ~ a psychic. I doubted the entire show but still was always wondering if it was true. I'd watched Sylvia Browne before on Montel Williams and she is the one I think, if any, that have any chance of getting me to believe what they are saying. I remember talking to my mother about it and her saying how scary it is to do that, not knowing "who" is sending them the messages....often times the evil spirits are making you think you're talking to the good ones. I would take what they were saying and try to make any sort of logic out of it which is really impossible. I never really watched John Edward because he was too questionable ~ but I do catch Sylvia about every 6 months if she happens to be on.

Not long after that some strange things started happening.

I wasn't working at the time so was home alone one day.
I was standing in the front room when I heard music coming from toward the back of the house in my daughters room. It sounded like bluegrass music with a banjo, maybe a fiddle, and a males voice singing. I went to her room and nothing was on but I could still hear it coming from the window. It didn't sound like it was "right there" ~ it was muffled so I could not even tell what song it was or the words. I looked out her window and all I saw was the old oak tree in the backyard. I didn't get scared ~ I thought it was just me.

Over a period of the next 6 months there was about 3 times that I heard it again. I would walk through the house but I could never find it. I never said anything to my husband about it because I didn't want to think I was really loopy in the head and give him more reason to not take me seriously. I didn't ask my daughter either because I didn't want to scare her where she'd never sleep another night in bed by herself.

One night my husband and I were laying in bed trying to get to sleep and all I could hear was bluegrass. I laid there real still trying to make out anything ~ my mom listened to bluegrass my entire life and I am familiar with a few songs but the ones I was hearing was just too muffled to make out what they were. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I quietly asked my husband, "Do you hear that?", and he said, "The banjo? YES it's been keeping me awake" and I said "Thank you GOD it's not just me!!" and he said he had thought it was just him and he was going loopy. We both got up out of bed and held on to each other and walked around the house in the kitchen, Jessica's bedroom, the bathroom ~ everywhere ~ finally pinpointed the sound coming from outside the front door on the front porch. As you can tell from the picture below, there are no neighbors to be playing bluegrass music ~ we are out here on a hill by ourselves. Once we figured out where it was coming from we were okay ~ went back to bed and went right to sleep. We both thought it was really neat.

About 2 or 3 other times I heard them playing the banjo on the front porch ~ almost like they were having a party. My husband would still hear them at night. We'd laugh about it and go on.

It stopped happening as much over the past year. I never hear the music like I did anymore. I miss it. My husband doesn't hear it anymore either. All I hear now is music that sounds like a radio that never stops playing the same song over and over and over ~ and no one is here except me. It happened about 2 months ago but stopped when I turned off the fan. This was not from the noise of a fan either by the way.

The last time I heard anything was the beginning of last month.
It was about 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday ~ Jessica had a friend spend the night and they were still sleeping in her room, my son in his room sleeping, and my husband was still asleep in our room where I was on the computer (our computer is in the bedroom). I had the bedroom door shut. I was doing the same thing on the computer that I do every morning ~ and about 15 minutes after I'd been on I heard what I thought was Jessica humming. Not a little hum ~ a pretty loud hum. Again, couldn't make out the song ~ I just thought it was her humming to annoy her friend or wake her up. Didn't think much about it......until 15 minutes had gone by and she still hadn't stopped. I thought "why doesn't her friend tell her to SHUT UP!" ~~ then I thought maybe it was Landon and that he was awake in his room with the TV on or humming to himself in his bed. But it didn't sound like a little boy ~ it sound like a woman. Finally, I got up to tell my daughter to pllleeezzzz stop ....... opened the bedroom door ........ silence. Went to her room, they both were snoring .... Landon was still asleep in his. I KNOW the hum was coming from the kitchen.....no doubt about it.

The last time was one that kindof scared me a little bit.
It was about 2 weeks ago when I was outside playing catch with the baseball with my son. He's pretty good and throwing the ball in my general direction ~ but sometimes they whiz right on over my head. When I went to pick the ball up off the ground is when I felt something ~ not something hot or cold ~ no gust of wind ~ didn't take my breath away ~ just like something was there watching ~ but it felt like there were more than 1 ~ maybe 3 or 4. That is when I realized I was standing under the tree outside my daughters bedroom window.

So being the crazy one that I am ~ I just smiled at the air where I thought they were and said "hello". OMG ~ I know you think I'm just a lunatic now after my last post ~ but I thought at the time that if I said hello and was friendly they would stay friendly too. I made sure that my son didn't see me talking toward the tree.

2 days after that Sylvia Browne was on Montel. Didn't even know she was going to be until I was flipping through channels. She said that when she knows someone is going to die that their faces are "running".....how terrible that would be to have to see those things in people. A lady actually asked Sylvia to tell her when she was going to die and how. I do not want to know that at all. She has a new book out that I thought I might try finding cheap someplace because I don't like to read and figure I won't understand half of what she says in it anyway.

I thought I would have my husband take me to the civilized world today to buy one of her books and run some errands. Last night I mentioned it to him and he agreed. About that time he put in a DVD for us to watch.......

White Noise

Okay, for those of you who haven't seen it ~ you probably should.

Into about the first 30 minutes of it I thought how neat that would be. I wish I could do that. I wish I could communicate with my Spirit Guide. My husband says he would not want to talk to his. About that time is when Michael Keeton starts getting the evil spirits talking to him and that is when I told my Spirit Guide over and over that I'd changed my mind ~ please do not communicate with me and I'll meet him/her on the other side. I'm happy just knowing that they are there and there is no need to discuss anything ~ just keep watching my back.

When it was over we watched the bonus feature of it with real actual people who actually carry around their handheld device communicating with the dead. After that I had to be escorted by my husband to the bathroom while I washed my face and brushed my teeth ~ the entire time feeling like someone was watching me from "beyond".

Of course I had to settle what I had just witnessed in my brain before I could go to sleep. I had to solve the whole "after death" dilemma and what truly goes on. I have it figured out but figure this post is long enough to keep rambling my thoughts on this subject. It's very simple actually. At least I can sleep at night now knowing that things are floating around.

I do not have any desire to try finding out who these people are that live here with me.
They seem to be friendly and I will stay friendly but there had better be no messages to me left in lipstick on my bathroom mirror, making my rocking chair rock on the front porch when the wind isn't blowing, or trying to communicate through the static on my TV or radio.

My mom emailed this back after me having mentioned buying Sylvia's book:
"Be careful little eyes what you read."
I'm 34 and still have little eyes. Thanks mom.

I'm not getting any of her books ~ I will just find out what's going on when I get to Heaven.

Confession

Yesterday we went to our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant ~ I actually had my digital camera in my purse to take some pictures of my family to share with you. One thing I realized is that from now on I will never buy cheap batteries. I was able to take a total of about 8 pictures before they needed to be replaced. Of course I didn't have anymore with me.

The ones I was able to get looked great until I uploaded them on my computer.

The one I took of my son Landon showed nothing but teeth. The one of my husband was nothing but a frown because by the time I actually got the batteries to do something it was about the 15th time I had told him to smile. Jessica was still pouting in hers. So, I've decided to try again with better batteries so give me a couple of days and I should have something.

As I sat down to type this post I decided to change the topic. The more I typed the more I felt that I actually should set the record straight about me. Mainly in fear of making a fool of myself. As I admit this I am not saying it to make you laugh ~ I do not do it to be funny ~ it is only funny and something to laugh about after I've realized what has happened. I'm sure I've lived with this flaw my entire life but it wasn't brought to my attention until I got married. Only until recently have I really become aware of it.

The truth of the matter is ~ I am really not very smart.
The confusing thing is that I am not blonde.
I just get perplexed easilly and I probably appear to just be a moron.
I don't like being seen as that ~ I really want to be intelligent.
At least be able to pretend to be.

When Jessica Simpson made the comment about "Chicken in the Sea" ~ I completely understood. I couldn't have answered her question. Since that happened and everyone thought it was so funny I have really been trying to watch things I say so people don't laugh at me.

I am only telling you this for future reference.
Just an FYI.
If I ever post something that makes absolutely no sense ~ you now know why. I have always known of people either being "book smart", "street smart" or just having common sense. Everyone should fit into 1 category ~ but I don't have any of these 3 things. I did think I had common sense but I'm beginning to wonder.

I'm only going to share the most recent 2 examples of what I'm talking about. I honestly am reluctant to even admit this to the world because I know someone out there will wonder what this world has come to knowing that there are people like me sharing their air. Again, at the time I said these things I am going to privately tell you ~ it made complete sense.

Saturday at Landon's baseball game it was kindof breezy and chilly. The breeze was blowing directly in our face. Jessica was huddled against me and me against her with my husband sitting there enjoying the cool air. Directly in front of us on the other side of the ball field were duplexes ~ sortof at the end of a dead end street. During the last inning just before it was over, we walked over toward the dugout to "high-5" Landon on his great job. I realized the wind wasn't blowing over there and said to my husband and my daughter, "Hey, it's not windy over here ~ the duplex over there must be blocking the wind". My husband gave me this weird look and said, "You think that house waaayyy over there is blocking the wind clear over here".....I said, "Well, yes......I think the wind is blowing up over the roof and staying up in the air and blowing over our heads". I got the "look" again.

1/2 of me still thinks this could have been the reason.
Was it me or is it my husband that has no sense?
Yes, the duplex was (in my estimation) a 1/2 block away.

So, that one really didn't bother me ~ I am no expert scientist on wind and gravity or whatever the wind is or how it works.

Yesterday afternoon was the one that bothered me the most. I am sure that part of this had something to do with:

#1 - Me not thinking things through
#2 - Never having had planted a garden before
#3 - Bad directions on the pumpkin seed packet
#4 - Bad directions on the cucumber seed packet

Some of you will probably think the answer is I didn't use my brain. That's where the scary part comes in because I DID.

This is what the pumpkin seed packet says:
(Well, the part I read)

Days to Germination......8-10
Days to Harvest..............90
Plant Height.....................10-12 ft
Row Spacing.....................Hill 8 ft

I am sitting out in my garden after I finished planting everything else when I read this. I think I did very good up until this point. This is when my brain zapped. (I should also mention that today I finally figured out that "harvest" means they'll be done).

Plant Height................10-12 ft
Row Spacing................Hill 8 ft

I'm thinking to myself...."how in the world are the pumpkins going to hang 10-12 ft in the air without tipping over......is this a tree???". I have my daughter look at it. She says she doesn't know. I then decide to ask my husband. I go in the house where he is and ask sweetly, "Honey, how are the pumpkins going to hang 10-12 feet in the air without tipping over? Do you think it's a tree? OR, do you think I am supposed to dig a hole 8-10 feet deep and plant the seeds way down there? Because if I have to have a hole that big, you are going to have to dig it. I can't shovel that far down. We are going to need something really big. Do you realize how far down that is?" OMG ~ the "LOOK".

That is when I actually "HEARD" what I was thinking.

I'm still now sure what the "Hill 8 ft" means. What do I need a hill for?

After I heard what I said to my husband I didn't even wait for his response.

Today I called my mother. Mother's understand ~ and my mother certainly should since she needs to take responsibility for part of the reason I have ended up like this.

She explained that they are actually on a vine.
She said I need to plant them by a fence or leave them on the ground but give them alot of room.
The same on the cucumbers.
They said, "Plant Height........9 ft"
"Row Spacing....................Hill 4 ft"

I still don't understand the hill. Am I supposed to make this hill? The pumpkin says 8 ft hill ~ that's taller than me! What the heck???

Everything I do seems to be nothing but a frustrating thing for me.

I watered them today and everytime I would make a move I'd have to walk a mile to get the stupid kink out of the hose. What seems to be so simple is always 100 times harder for me because I just never "get it".

So, now I have:

1 jalapeno pepper plant
1 bell pepper plant
1 strawberry plant
1 cantelope
1 lettuce
1 tomato plant
3 watermelons
and planted a bazillion peas
(the peas will be bushes THANK GOD and not vines....I think)

This is really all I'm going to be able to handle.

Believe me ~ if there is a sign of ANYTHING coming up ~ I will be posting pictures. You will be so sick of seeing my garden you will probably stop reading my blog.

So, I apologize to any of you who may have given me too much credit for having any sense. Please just be patient with me if I ever sound like an idiot.

Heaven on Earth

These are pictures of the view from our kitchen window. It is days like this when everything is so green, that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.



Here is the view on the other side of the house. We raise Black Angus cattle and was hoping to get them in the picture but they were too far away.

I'll be taking more pictures tomorrow ~ it is supposed to be beautiful here so we will be outside most of the day.

Mommy Dearest

I feel like a shmuck.
I'm sure my daughter considers me equal to Joan Crawford since I decided against letting her go to the dance.

However, I'm very glad that I stuck to my word. She pulled every trick out of her sleeve this afternoon up until 10 minutes before it started. I swayed back and forth in my mind but didn't give in. I have to say I am proud of myself. It was especially hard because I knew how much it was upsetting her ~ she would be fine for about 2 minutes and then think about it and start to get teary-eyed. Disappointment was all over her face. I know it's just part of parenting and trying to mold our children to not be deceptive, lying, back talking adults. I just wish discipline wasn't necessary because I am just terrible at it.

So that's that.

I'm going to spend tomorrow planting a garden. At least that's what I hope it turns out to be. I am not gifted with a green thumb and don't especially like vegetables. I'm going to give it a try though.

I planted some flowers earlier in the week. One got attacked by my OCD dog ~ I was pretty upset about it because it was one of my favorites. I bought an old shabby chic chair at a yard sale today to set on the front porch to put my planted pots on. I really like primitive things like that only when I bring it home it just seems to make us look even more poor than we really are. For a long time I sold cookbooks at trade shows and online and carried the Gooseberry Patch line. For any of you that are familiar with their books know that they have clever ideas to make handmade gifts out of simply.....nothing. So, one Christmas I followed one of their ideas and after I was done was so proud. It was a prim jar w/prim cloth and twined raffia bow, tag and filled w/shelled pecans. I just thought it was the most clever thing ever to give as gifts to those you don't know what to buy for....especially those who don't have easy access to pecans or don't want to pay the high prices for them....we have tons of pecan trees so I thought to just share them. Besides, it was Christmas ~ everyone wants a pecan pie! At our Christmas gatherings as I presented my crafty craft gift ~ something came over me ~ something that said "What are you doing??? They think you are so poor that all you could really give was an old jar of pecans!" No one said "how cute" or "how neat" ~ absolutely no response. They looked at my kindof squinting as if they were shocked beyond belief. So, I sold all of those cookbooks and craft books on ebay.

Have to go.
Just heard what I thought was a gunshot.
Heard my son call for help.
Ran outside.
Found our outside condensing unit on fire.
He was trying to put it out with his water gun wearing only his underwear and my shoes.
Now no a/c and summer has just begun.
A perfect ending to Friday the 13th.

12 Going on 30

Tomorrow night the school is having a dance. My daughter Jessica (12), has only gone to 1 other dance earlier this year and is really looking forward to this one. All of the girls are to invite a boy instead of the boys inviting the girls. She has decided not to invite one ~ she says she only wants to go to just to hang out with her friends.

As innocent and fun as this may sound, this whole dance thing has me really torn on what to do. I really want to let her go, but on the other hand I do not trust her. She tends to act before thinking regardless of the consequences. I know this has alot to do with her age but for some reason I expect more common sense from her.

Most of my losing trust with her came about because of a boy at her school who is 15 and in the 9th grade. We will call him "Henry". From what I understand, he comes from a home where his mother lost custody of him because of a drug problem and has no idea where his dad is. He now lives with relatives. I'm not sure that these relatives have put boundaries around him or not ~ I really do not know alot about him.

My daughter says that he needs someone to "talk" to ~ that his friends don't listen and she is the only one. She hangs on every word. I am certain that she tends to lead him on in ways of making him think that she likes him ~ which in all honesty, she does.

When she first told me about him is after her dad and I found a notebook hidden between her mattresses. It was full of notes back and forth to each other and her telling him things about herself that weren't true (i.e. she has horses, plays the drums, that she is 13 and not 12, etc...) When we confronted her about it I told her to get rid of the notebook and tell him that her parents didn't approve of this friendship/relationship....that she is not to go with boys 2 grades ahead of her. I told her "No boyfriend/girlfriend - he is too old". I cannot figure out why a 9th grader would be so interested in a 7th grader - just seems odd to me.

For weeks I never heard another word about Henry. I thought she respected what I said and moved on to other people.

Week before last, I caught her again with a notebook with them writing back and forth to each other. Only this time the conversation had a taken a turn. Though I couldn't read his handwriting very well, I did clearly read that he wrote, "I will miss you over the summer ~ we've got to make the last days of school last" ~ blah, blah, blah. My daughter writes back saying how it was nice to talk to him on the phone the night before (while I had left her at home to take my son to his baseball practice). She had been calling this guy on the phone.

I was livid.

Typically, I wait for 24 hours before I make a decision or do anything ~ I always want to think things through and not overreact. But that night I couldn't help myself. I grabbed the notebook and wrote Henry a letter which said "I warned you before to stay away from my daughter ~ you didn't listen or respect my wishes ~ you are out of chances". I'm not exactly sure what I meant by saying that ~ I think my mind was racing and was so mad I couldn't think straight. The only thing that I do know I was thinking was restraining order.....which did seem a bit over the top but that was my thinking at the time.

I grounded my daughter from the phone and not going anywhere until further notice and told her to go to bed. Since then, she really has gotten off easy out of this. I didn't draw a line to say "you are grounded for this long from these things...."

When she began talking about this dance coming up, I first said no way.
As it's gotten closer I keep questioning whether I am overreacting or not about Henry.
I just feel that Henry has found a girl, looking for attention from a boy ~ and other things.

We sat down and had a long talk and I explained my concerns to her. I explained a scenerio in my past in which I wish now that someone had said no to me and told me that the age difference was unacceptable. I do not want to follow in my own mothers footsteps by being so nieve. My mother lived in a fantasy world ~ never taught me about the birds and the bees ~ no instruction on what is acceptable behavior from a boy and what is not ~ what their intentions are, etc.. I feel I've learned the hard way and want to at least inform her of the fact that sometimes there are other motives than what there may seem. She seemed to understand what I was saying ~ but knowing that I cannot trust her I ask myself if she was just "pretending" to hear me to get me to leave her alone and be quiet.

I don't mind her having a boyfriend in the same grade or a grade above ~ but that is where I've drawn the line and set the boundary. Without me being with her all day, everyday at school I don't know what else I can do other than telling the principal my concerns ~ I just don't feel it is his responsibility to be the "father" at school.

My question is, do I let her go? She has shown to only be irresponsible and untrustworthy. Irresponsible in doing what she's been asked ~ time and time again. She knows I am not changing my mind about this boy which makes her feel that she has to hide it. But if I say "ok, go ahead" then someday it may end of being my fault for whatever may happen because I allowed it to happen.

She wants me to believe that she's not going there for him ~ though I feel she's being sneaky. I told her not to be surprised if I show up at the dance if I do allow her to go ~ should I do that? She told me to have one of the teachers be "in charge" ~ I said "why should I have to do that? Why can I not just be able to trust you??"

I have less than 24 hours to decide what to do.
I feel like I am smothering her to protect her ~ but I feel that I have good reason.
The most important reason is that she is only 12.

Help Wanted

The newspaper where we live only comes out once a week. There must not be enough new news in our area worth reporting. Every Tuesday it is delivered to our mailbox for free.
When it arrives I always make sure to check the employment ads to see if there is ... well, anything. This quest I have been on in search for a job started in September of last year. By the time things were beginning to look promising for me and I found myself motivated and overly ambitious to "outplay" my competition, it was Christmas. I continued to look through the holidays but just seem to be having a bit of a problem.

This morning I got up to work on updating my resume and anxiously awaited for the paper.
I've got my cover letter how I like it ~ stamps and envelopes. Dressed, full tank of gas, ready to go wherever it may be.

I open it up and here are my choices:

AVON
Want a fun job, PT/FT Become an AVON sales rep. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx.

HELP WANTED
Merchandiser P/T-stocking a small refrigerator unit twice weekly, Mon/Thurs.
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx.

That's it.
I thought maybe it continued to the next page, but nope. That was it.

The only other job was for a nurse ~ but unfortunately they will have filled that position before I get through nursing school ~ which I might add ~ I wouldn't pass. Blood, needles, throw-up, IV's........ick. My stomach is too queezy for that.

As I skim through the rest of the paper, I see the county grand jury indictments which reads:

XXXXX - Possession of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 3rd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Possession of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 3rd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Meth, 4-200 Grams, 1st Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 2nd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, less than 1 gram, 3rd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, less than 1 gram, 3rd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, less than 1 gram, 3rd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 2nd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, less than 1 gram, 2nd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 2nd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of a Controlled Substance, Cocaine, less than 1 gram, 3rd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of a Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 2nd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of a Controlled Substance, Cocaine, less than 1 gram, 3rd degree felony.
XXXXX - Delivery of a Controlled Substance, Cocaine, 1-4 grams, 2nd degree felony.
XXXXX - Aggrevated Assault with a deadly weapon, 2nd degree felony.
XXXXX - DWI, 3rd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Burglary of Habitation, 2nd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Retaliation, 3rd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Hinder Secured Creditors, 3rd Degree Felony.
XXXXX - Hinder Secured Creditors, State Jail Felony

Now I sit here confused.

Now, with employment opportunities available selling Avon or stocking a refrigerator twice a week is all we have to choose from, this has driven these people insane.

Some had possession - where'd they get the money?
Some had delivery - aahhhh, I see.
Aggrivated assault with a deadly weapon - can't take it anymore
DWI - (I just can't say anything about this as it hits too close to me)
Burglary - no job + stealing = pawn shop = money
Retailiation - stored up frustration from the guy with the deadly weapon
Hinder Secured Creditors - I bet they didn't return their "rent to own" furniture as they can't possibly afford to go BUY some on an Avon representatives salary.

Now I am not saying to any of you out there that may sell Avon that I think Avon is bad. I am simply saying that if everyone in our county is selling Avon there is just too much competition and only so many women in our county that wear makeup. I have to honestly say that from the ones I come across ~ they can't afford to buy Avon because they have no money and go with the "natural" look ~ and I mean "natural" ~ no hairspray, no lipstick, no perfume -- nothing.

From what I have found is getting a job here is not what you know but who you know and also being tested to see how much a person can put up with. I have never seen more lazy people in all my life. This applies to any store or business in our town - they have a sign in their window that says their hours - but they are closed except for when they feel like working. There are really businesses here that would answer the phone "eee..yep?" .... ????? They are happy just the way they are - they resist change and have no ambition. I on the other hand cannot just sit somewhere and wait for the phone to ring -- it drives me CRAZY -- especially when I know that if someone were to actually "work" we could have something to do!

The last job I had my boss and her husband owned the business and she watched TV 9 hours a day and he played golf online 9 hours a week - the other hours were spent at the actual golf course. They were 10 years younger than me and had no previous knowledge of business at all. 300 days of the year were slow -- the first 18 months I tried my best to "look busy" ~~ when it was time for a raise and I got .25 cents more an hour I quit looking busy. I then worked crossword puzzles. She'd come in about every hour or 2 and tell me what just happened on Regis & Kelly, The Young & the Restless, etc... Each day was like a week for me... I couldn't understand how this business could even stay open when the phone NEVER rang! But they were happy with it the way it was ~ and I know this for a fact because there is more to this story than I am going to elaborate on right now.

With me ~ it's like tunnel vision if I have a goal. I don't know when to stop. My life always begins to revolve around my work ~ I like feeling I've accomplished something and like appreciation. But that drive and enthusiasm can only get me so far here until I hit a brick wall. I can't go any further because they don't care ~ they like everyday the same ~ no more than 5 calls a day or we may have to close for the rest of the day because it was too much work to tell those 5 people they had the wrong number.

Thieves and Bees

I came across this article today.

When my husband was in Dallas for his pain management classes in March, someone broke into the toolbox on the back of his truck (which was locked) and stole at least $500.00 worth of tools. He was really upset about this but we were just glad they didn't steal the whole truck. (I really work at trying to stay optomistic)

Last night we were on the phone with my father in law in Houston after wishing my mother in law a Happy Mother's Day. His dad then proceeds to tell us what happened to him last weekend.

He works for a company that has some property for the employees to go hunting. The company had him rent a "Ditch Witch" (not exactly sure what this is but it is big) and work on this property doing something. So, he and 3 other men that work there with him, take this "Ditch Witch" and put it on my father in laws flat bed trailer and worked all weekend. Monday morning he was to have this ditch witch back at the rental company at 9am. He has to be at work at 5:30 am. So, that morning he backed up his work truck with the trailer and ditch witch toward the building so when he was ready to leave, he could pull straight out of the parking lot. At 6:15 someone else comes in and asks him why he parked so strange in the parking lot off by himself ~ my father in law paid no attention to this guy. At 7am he goes outside to find his truck way off in the middle of nowhere (as if it had been pushed) and the ditch witch and his flat bed trailer - gone - poof - stolen. He said the company is going to pay for the ditch witch ($6000.00) to the rental company ~ not sure about the trailer yet.

When he told this story it made me wonder how in the world people can even sleep at night.

He also mentioned that while they were out on this property they were attacked by killer bees.
I asked my husband how he knew they were "killer" bees and he said because of the way they attacked. He said that he was using his "ditch witch" ~ and looked over his shoulder and saw one of his workers running by pulling his shirt off swatting at something ~ about 20 seconds later here comes the 2nd worker ~ no shirt and swatting ~ about 20 seconds later the 3rd guy runs by with nothing on but his underwear, swatting something with his cap.

2 of the guys jumped into the cab of their truck while the 3rd guy jumped into the back of the truck to get a can of wasp spray. His dad said that the bees literally took it away from the guy where he had to drop it and jumped into the front of the truck ~ in the meantime the bees were charging at the windshield and windows hitting it over and over. About that time my father in law turned off his machine and saw 1 bee - then 2 - then 3 --- then he walked slowly to some brush and they left him alone. He wasn't stung but the guy who attempted at getting the wasp spray was stung 17 times.

I am the opposite ~ if a bee comes around me I do not start swatting it away. To me that would just make them more upset.

But I did learn that bees are attracted to loud noises which I didn't know.

Couldn't imagine running for my life from killer bees.

Did someone say Mother's Day?

Honestly, I worked harder yesterday on Mother's Day than I have worked the other 364 days in the past year. All I have to say is I will get even on Father's Day. In fact, I think my husband has done MORE the last 364 days than he did yesterday. Kindof disappointed but I shouldn't have been too surprised. Maybe he feels like he spoils me every other day of the year ~ not sure what happened. I honestly think he forgot about it until noon when he rushed to town to get a card and roses.

That's enough of that or this post will go on for days about his drama and the stories I have about him.

I did get a cute card from my daughter.

It reads:

What Mom's Want

A cruise....
Dinner out....
Warm bath....
Lots of clothes....
A little peace and quiet....

Inside says:

What Mom's Get

Cruise to the supermarket for milk....
Dinner out of a box....
Warm bath filled with toys....
Lots of clothes piled in and around the hamper....
Little peas on the carpet....

Happy Mother's Day

This is what she wrote inside:

Mom,
I know that I haven't ever been the "model daughter" (especially lately) but I'm really sorry. I will try harder. Well, you already got your cruise, but maybe, just maybe you can get lots of whatever with this. (She put $40.00 cash inside my card!) I know that you didn't want anything so I didn't get you anything. Spend this on you -- not gas or whatever -- go get a manicure, go to a store and get you some new clothes. Buy some shoes. But spend it on you!

I love you so much and I hope your Mother's Day is great.

I did give the money back to her ~ she has been working for my dad painting. So, she & I went to Taco Bell (her idea!) and then she went to Wal-Mart and bought her a CD and me a pair of earrings. I know that she would have loved for me to have spent it on "me" but there was no way in the world I could do that. As a mom it's always better to see their children happy getting what they want. That's a gift in itself! It was alot of fun.

My son handmade a card at school and wrote a letter. He said I was the best mom and how I smell good. It was so sweet.

I bought him a harmonica Saturday. It came with a book to teach him how to play. He opened it up and made sure that he understood the difference between inhale and exhale ~ then played the heck out of it. He hasn't stopped playing it since. I let him take it to school to show his class today ~ I'm sure the teacher loved me for that.

BTW ~ I hope to have a chance to share some pictures in the next couple of days.

Seeing Double

My daughter has been wearing glasses since she was in 2nd grade.
When she started 7th grade this year I decided that it was time for contacts.
She had begged and begged and I finally gave in after having her glasses broken everytime I turned around.

I think getting contacts was a bit more responsibility than she could handle. She continues to sleep in them and not take them out for days ~ they are disposible so I find myself buying a new set pretty often.

This morning she comes home from her friends house where she'd spent the night, and 1 eye was bloodshot. She said her contact had been bothering her and had to take it out and throw it away ~ so she could only see out of the other eye.

We are on our way back to the optical place (45 minutes away), she & I decide that she needs to go back to wearing glasses to give her eyes some time before using contacts again.

We go in the store ~ she tries on every pair of every size and shape. She tries 1 pair on and I comment on how much I like them on her. I then ask the lady to please check our file to see what pair she had gotten last time so that I can compare. She comes back and tells us that they do not carry that particular style anymore and cannot tell us what brand they were.

We then agree on this particular pair.

1 hour later she has them and we head home.

After being home about 3 hours ~ she comes to me and tells me she needs me to look at something. She hands me her old pair of glasses and the new pair.

They are identical - the same exact pair of frames.
Out of the hundreds of pairs of frames we picked out the same exact frame.

We considered taking them back and me having a fit ~
but have decided to just keep them after looking at the old pair.

I have figured out why I didn't recognize they were the same when she tried them on:

They were not bent and sideways on her face needing adjusting like she always wore the old ones. It must be a kid thing ~ the more out of whack the better. Everytime I'd take her to have them adjusted, we'd leave the store, get in the car and she'd be aligning them back sideways like she had 1 eye on her cheek. So far, she hasn't started bending these yet.

On a different note:

Some people (and I say this respectfully), have more money than they have sense.
See example

A What? Where?

Bacon and eggs for breakfast for me after reading this.

My son would have begged that IF I had to report it to please beg them to let him keep it.
He wouldn't care how big or how long it would get ~ only whether or not it could ever eat him.

Say it isn't so

I stumbled across Carol's blog today and decided to take a compatibility test and find that they have considered me as:

an irredeemably eejitous, liberal,
not-too-generous, not-too-selfish,
pathetically simple-minded, dribbling child.

The only thing that I can think of that I answered for it to consider me to be a Liberal is when I answered with the multiple choice answer "poop".

I had no clue what "eejitous" meant and searched the internet for the definition.

This is what I found.

Pronunciation: ‘e-jE-tOs
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): -er; -est
1 : easily distracted by pointless Internet quizzes or tests
2 a : in the process of taking an Internet quiz or test: (Oh, he’ll snap out of it in a minute, he’s never eejitous for long.)

I agree with the not-too-generous, not-too-selfish part since for some reason I tend to always watch my back. I also agree with being simple-minded ~ no matter how hard I try to do something about that, I analyze everything I'm thinking and am back to square one.

When the results of this test came up on my screen, my husband for no apparent reason was standing over my shoulder. As I quietly say "ouch" under my breath he proceeds to laugh. I know he has no clue what "eejitous" means ~ so I am going to tell him that the definition ended up being "smart".

I have no idea how I will explain the "dribbling child" part.

See how compatible you are with me!

2nd Grade Etiquette

I've been promising my 8 year old son that I would have lunch with him at school.

He said, "Come on a day when they have something you like - what do you like?"

I said, "Barbeque on a bun"

He looks through the menu and finds no barbeque and suggest we wait until the May menu comes out to see if there is barbeque ~ if not, I'll have to eat something else.

I agree.

Sunday night he comes to me and says,

"Now don't forget that you are having lunch with me tomorrow"

I say, "What are they having?"

He says "Barbeque!"

I say, "Yuummm....barbeque on a bun?"

He says, "No, barbeque weinies - they're the BEST!"

My stomach immediately feels queezy.

I say, "Okay, I won't forget!"

20 minutes before lunch yesterday he calls to remind me. He is so excited.

I get to the school and they are ahead of schedule and already in the lunch room. I sit beside him with all his other friends ~ he asked if I was going to get some barbeque and I told him no, I didn't want to spend my time waiting in the line and that I mainly wanted to just be with him. He didn't care. He was just happy to have me there. Thank God I got out of having to eat the barbequed weinies and black eyed peas.

Sitting there with all the little 7 and 8 year olds made me somewhat wish I'd become a teacher. I love kids at that age ~ I just don't quite understand them.....which would probably make it better that I didn't become a teacher. They leave me speechless.

My son is covered from head to toe in barbeque sauce.
There is a napkin dispenser right in front of him.
I see him wiping his hands on his jeans.
I say "Why don't you use a napkin?"
He says "I don't need one."
Then tries to give me a kiss and wants to hug all over me.
Barbeque from ear to ear.

Another boy in his class walks up to me.
(I have always found this boy odd)
He says, "I know a bad word."
I say, "You do??"
He says, "Yes, and I'm going to say it."
I said, "You are???"
He said in slow motion, "Guts"
I said, "Guts?"
He said "Yes. Once I knew someone that meant to say guts and said buts"
I said, "ok", probably looked so confused ~

Then my son burps.
Everyone laughs chanting "Do it again, do it again!"
He does. They keep chanting, he keeps doing it.
Finally I say, "That's enough - you really need to learn some manners, especially around the ladies".
The boy sitting across from him says "Yeah, he needs to learn some manners ~ do it again!"
The boy sitting next to us says, "Hey ~ my sister ~ she went to manners school ~ and it was HARD!"

In the meantime, I am really trying my hardest to keep from looking at these kids while they eat. They are all eating with their hands ~ talking with their mouth open ~ so it's not just mine. Mine just happens to be the one that is the showoff burper. I then realize that if mine were the only one that used manners ~ something would be wrong with him.

As we were getting ready to go back to his class, a sweet little soft spoken cutie comes up to me and she says, "You are soooooo pretty" ~ OMG ~ this is the first compliment I have gotten since I got married. I tried so hard to keep from showing my overwhelming gratitude ~

We get to his class where I then learn that my son has to sit out for 5 minutes.
Out of an 8 question test he missed 2 ~ the maximum was 1.
I look at my son sitting quietly at his miniature desk.
He's sitting straight up, hands folded in front of him, his eyes looking down, with the saddest look. No one knows how close I came to going to sit in his mini-detention with him.

That's why I wasn't meant to be a teacher. I'd punish them and send them to the corner and then find myself sitting there with them. They'd all end up having me wrapped around their little finger that they could manipulate me into anything. I'd need to be in a class where there were 2 teachers - a good cop, bad cop thing going on. The funny thing is that I would know what they were doing but I would let them ~ I'm just too soft.