Nervous Wreck

Note to self:
Never under any circumstances have your husband run late.

I was up at 6:00 trying to get everyone out the door no later than 7:00 this morning. I should have made sure I had the bathroom first so I could get ready, but the nice mom and wife that I am waited and helped everyone else until 6:59. My husbands very important doctors appointment was this morning at 9:00 downtown Dallas which I had wanted to go to meant we leave no later than 7:00.

7:01 ~ My husband starts pacing saying to me, "If you're not ready, hurry up".
7:02 ~ "We're gonna be late if you don't come on!"
7:03 ~ "We've gotta go!"
7:04 ~ "I'm leaving with or without you"
7:05 ~ We are in the truck ~ I look like crap as I had 4 minutes to get ready.

After dropping off the kids and started down the highway is when I realized how much I really hate when my husband is in a hurry and is behind the wheel. I need more than 1 seatbelt and a tranquilizer.

By the time we are starting to get into the city is when my husband loses all self control, I hold on for my life and try to hide my face so that no one can see who has chosen to be his passenger and must have a death wish. I don't think I blinked my eyes once ~ I tried closing them but would hear tires screeching and horns honking that I had to see what was happening.

This is when I am so thankful I live in the country where there is no traffic.

I try to explain to him that there is no need to wait until the last second to slam on the brakes before stopping for the car in front of us. I also explain that the doctors office will still be there no matter what time we get there ~ we just need to get there in 1 piece.

He cannot decide to stay in 1 lane for more than 30 seconds. Zig-zag in and out, in and out ~ slow down, gas to the floor, screeching stop ~ over and over. I think my jumping and noises I was making made it worse. He is the one (and we all can't stand these people) who drives on the shoulder when the sign says "Merge Left ~ Lane Ends" to shove himself in front of the path of lined up cars. I said kindly, "Why don't you just get behind the Yukon? Why are you playing this game with him trying to get in front?" He's not listening ~ but does manage to get in front of the Yukon with only 1/2 car length difference between it and the car in front.

I then ask which way he plans to get there ~ not that any route is going to be faster than the other at this point as they are filled with traffic bumper to bumper. He decides to take the Tollway ~ now, let me ask you this. Who in the world doesn't ask themselves, "Do I have money or change if I take the Tollway?" BEFORE they get on the tollway??? The answer ~ my husband. By the time its too late to get off this road without paying something is about the time he realizes he has no money in his wallet ~ just his debit card. I have no money either except for some pennies in the bottom of my purse. At this point I am losing my patience wondering where in the world he left his brain and why is it that I have to be put in these situations because of his inability to have a plan. We get to the first toll booth where you toss your 75 cents into the bin ~ he grabbed the change from the slot in his door and threw it in there without counting it and keeps driving~ at which time an alarm starts blaring as if we had really commited a crime. I sit there for a minute wondering if we can get a ticket ~ what if he only had 10 pennies? What if they have a camera and can see our license plate and the back of my head in the picture? I should have ducked.

By the time we got to the 2nd toll booth I had crawled under, behind, and around every seat to find 1 quarter, 2 nickels and 40 pennies.

I then say to my husband that I am going to need the doctor to give me some sort of stress treatment for my head by the time we get there ~ like relaxation therapy, blinders and headphones for the way home. He says, "A gag would be fine".

So sorry to the little old lady in the gold Nissan Altima who just happened to be about 6 blocks from where we needed to be in 1 minute where he scared her by screeching his tires as he turned the corner to get around her.

He needs one of the bumper stickers that says, "Sit down, shut up and hold on".