2nd Grade Etiquette

I've been promising my 8 year old son that I would have lunch with him at school.

He said, "Come on a day when they have something you like - what do you like?"

I said, "Barbeque on a bun"

He looks through the menu and finds no barbeque and suggest we wait until the May menu comes out to see if there is barbeque ~ if not, I'll have to eat something else.

I agree.

Sunday night he comes to me and says,

"Now don't forget that you are having lunch with me tomorrow"

I say, "What are they having?"

He says "Barbeque!"

I say, "Yuummm....barbeque on a bun?"

He says, "No, barbeque weinies - they're the BEST!"

My stomach immediately feels queezy.

I say, "Okay, I won't forget!"

20 minutes before lunch yesterday he calls to remind me. He is so excited.

I get to the school and they are ahead of schedule and already in the lunch room. I sit beside him with all his other friends ~ he asked if I was going to get some barbeque and I told him no, I didn't want to spend my time waiting in the line and that I mainly wanted to just be with him. He didn't care. He was just happy to have me there. Thank God I got out of having to eat the barbequed weinies and black eyed peas.

Sitting there with all the little 7 and 8 year olds made me somewhat wish I'd become a teacher. I love kids at that age ~ I just don't quite understand them.....which would probably make it better that I didn't become a teacher. They leave me speechless.

My son is covered from head to toe in barbeque sauce.
There is a napkin dispenser right in front of him.
I see him wiping his hands on his jeans.
I say "Why don't you use a napkin?"
He says "I don't need one."
Then tries to give me a kiss and wants to hug all over me.
Barbeque from ear to ear.

Another boy in his class walks up to me.
(I have always found this boy odd)
He says, "I know a bad word."
I say, "You do??"
He says, "Yes, and I'm going to say it."
I said, "You are???"
He said in slow motion, "Guts"
I said, "Guts?"
He said "Yes. Once I knew someone that meant to say guts and said buts"
I said, "ok", probably looked so confused ~

Then my son burps.
Everyone laughs chanting "Do it again, do it again!"
He does. They keep chanting, he keeps doing it.
Finally I say, "That's enough - you really need to learn some manners, especially around the ladies".
The boy sitting across from him says "Yeah, he needs to learn some manners ~ do it again!"
The boy sitting next to us says, "Hey ~ my sister ~ she went to manners school ~ and it was HARD!"

In the meantime, I am really trying my hardest to keep from looking at these kids while they eat. They are all eating with their hands ~ talking with their mouth open ~ so it's not just mine. Mine just happens to be the one that is the showoff burper. I then realize that if mine were the only one that used manners ~ something would be wrong with him.

As we were getting ready to go back to his class, a sweet little soft spoken cutie comes up to me and she says, "You are soooooo pretty" ~ OMG ~ this is the first compliment I have gotten since I got married. I tried so hard to keep from showing my overwhelming gratitude ~

We get to his class where I then learn that my son has to sit out for 5 minutes.
Out of an 8 question test he missed 2 ~ the maximum was 1.
I look at my son sitting quietly at his miniature desk.
He's sitting straight up, hands folded in front of him, his eyes looking down, with the saddest look. No one knows how close I came to going to sit in his mini-detention with him.

That's why I wasn't meant to be a teacher. I'd punish them and send them to the corner and then find myself sitting there with them. They'd all end up having me wrapped around their little finger that they could manipulate me into anything. I'd need to be in a class where there were 2 teachers - a good cop, bad cop thing going on. The funny thing is that I would know what they were doing but I would let them ~ I'm just too soft.