Long Lost Friend

I recently added my name on the Classmates.com website. I wasn't sure that I wanted to but had no choice. Their site will not let you view anything without joining. I was curious to see if there was anyone I knew but hesitant about putting myself out there for them to contact me. There are some I'm sure I'd rather forget ~ worse yet, if they contacted me and I didn't remember them.

Our school was small compared to the average public school. They were open for many years though so there ended up being more people listed that I didn't know than I had expected. I figure the ones that I didn't see simply didn't have a computer or was like me and not sure that they wanted to be found.

Since my mom still lives in my hometown, I still get the scoop on different people. Some of the things she tells me surprises me ~ people that I would have guaranteed would have been successful that aren't ~ those who I didn't figure would be successful that are. Girls who left their children to be raised by their parents ~ the same girls that were the ones I expected to have the large home with a picket fence, a dog, a minivan and dressed to perfection.

Last night I received an email from a friend I'd had since I was in 2nd grade. It was ironic that she emailed as I was thinking about her the other day...wondering what had happened to her, where she was, if she was okay. Remembering how sheltered we both were ~ how much we enjoyed being around each other as kids ~ remembering how she & I made duffle bags in 7th grade in Home-Ec and learned to sew on a button. I remembered my mom dropping me off at her house while it was still dark outside, and I would tip-toe to their couch and go back to sleep before they would drive me to school with them everyday. I remembered how I'd spend the night at her house and we would stay up until 11pm and wait for the Weekend Special on Shock Theater ~ they would play scary movies like Tales from the Crypt. We would be laying on the floor with a blanket over us handy enough to reach down to pull over our heads when we got scared. I remembered the episode where this creepy old man blew his nose and his nose fell off and we freaked out. I remember a weird smell in her house ~ a smell I'd never smelled before and still cannot figure out what it was.

She told me that she has 3 children now and still lives there and is finding friends from when she was little after the death of one of our classmates who had been killed a few years ago by a train. It was just nice to hear from someone from my past ~ makes my past more real to me. The things I do remember really did happen even though it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I hope that we can continue our friendship and I hope that we will still have things in common.

It is sad that as we get older how certain people can drift out of your life. My best friend I have had since before we started Kindergarten is a perfect example. Even though we've known each other and been best friends for about 30 years - we really have nothing in common. Everytime we talk it's always about what we did "back in the day" or "remember when". I don't know how 2 people who could grow up so close as she & I did, that did everything together and finished the others sentences could have nothing in common now. She was married, now seperated, no children - I am married with kids. Did me having kids cause this? She likes still going out to bars and parties - I don't do that anymore. She has a great successful career ~ I don't have that. But I don't understand how those things could make us have nothing in common and leave us nothing to talk about. We don't know the same people anymore ~ we live about 1 1/2 hours away from each other so don't see each other often - so why do we not have alot to talk about when we see each other? I live on a farm ~ she lives in the city. Okay, so I've pointed out some obvious reasons but I still don't get it. I would just think a bond as strong as ours that has lasted as long would be hard to break.

I just miss having good, best friends. My best friend is my husband and I think that is the way it should be ~ but I do miss having someone to go shopping with and talk to other than my daughter. The friends I have made here seem fake ~ the 2 friendships that I have made here so far with whom I considered "good" friends ~ don't even speak to me anymore. No friendship left at all. 1 of them was my former employer who I did absolutely nothing to to give her a reason to act this way, and another lady who has a daughter in my daughters class. Everytime the phone would ring I would know it was her calling to "tell on my daughter". It got old real quick ~ but I was patient ~ we could work through it. Her daughter has some MAJOR problems and will continue to have these problems throughout her life I think ~ she takes medicine to help control her outbursts but is known for her disruptive, abusive, and often violent behavior. At the time, I felt my daughter would be a good model for this girl ~ no one else in school wanted anything to do with her and my daughter wanted to help her. I never once called her mother to complain about her daughter when she brought a knife to school ~ the teachers knew it. I didn't call her about the "hate box" she carried with her with pictures of kids that she hated in it ~ the principal knew that -- and I know this lady already knew it too. She was dealing with it the best she knew how.

The last straw with this girl came when she stole the brand new tennis shoes I had bought for my daughter to play basketball in and homework papers right out of my daughters locker in front of everyone. The teachers were told of it by the other students, checked this girls folder she had in her hand and found nothing of my daughters. They decided not to check her locker because apparently it was terrible with old food, etc... I was mad -- I was really, really mad. I wrote a note to principal requesting him to provide my daughter a combination lock for her locker for me to know that her things were locked securely and to eliminate the need to be suspicious if things were to keep coming up missing. I didn't approach the other mother because I didn't want to fingerpoint at her daughter not knowing even IF her daughter had taken them or if my daughter had simply misplaced her shoes and didn't want to tell me and made up a story to cover it up. I don't want anyone accusing my daughter of anything unless there is proof ~ and I didn't have any real solid proof. This mother got a call from the principal for other reasons pertaining to her daughter and did mention the suspicion of the shoes. She freaked out and in my opinion, acted just like her daughter. When she saw me at the school the next day to pick up my kids, she not only gave me the finger but called me every name in the book, in the school parking lot in front of everyone. "You went behind my back by telling the principal ~ you should have called me!" she kept screaming. All I did was walk away without saying a word which then made her even more angry ~

She still glares at me everytime I see her. That was about 6 months ago.

Being a friend requires alot of work ~ I am the type that if I don't call you for a few weeks, it's not that I don't like you ~ I am busy. I think of you and I miss you ~ but I have other things I need to handle right now that I have placed as priority. Not alot of friends are like that and so understanding. Friendships are special and they should be treated as such ~ not taken for granted and certainly require respect. I know I could be a better friend and a better neighbor which I do need to work on. Its just easy to get carried away with my family that I cannot see the world around me. I don't think there is anything wrong with that ~ but I do think there is a fine line to avoid from being seen as rude or uncaring.

I just want to make sure that I can be a good friend to someone before I go trying to find one.