Lost in Translation

My husband is coming home this afternoon. This was his 1st week out of a 6 week pain management class. He was put in this class by worker's comp after having something fall and pin him to the ground and hurt his back -- that was Feb., 04. When I got the call he was hurt, I figured he'd be back to work in a week. I'm still waiting for that day to come.

Found out recently that he will not be able to do what he was doing and learn a new trade. That should be interesting. Ever meet someone with the people-skills of a rock? That's him. I would have thought after almost 9 years of marriage, he would have learned something from me. Generally, I am a very caring person who people can cry to ~ and I listen. I am not the type to say what is on my mind because I figure they don't want to hear my babble anyway and honestly they don't care. That's probably why I will probably continue to blog. No one will ever read it anyway I presume, but if they do, they chose to - I didn't force anyone to read it or listen to me.

I have called him every night this week to check in. Usually I don't understand a word he says on the phone. Aside from talking so quietly and him hating to talk on the phone at all, all I hear is mumbling. I really hate that. Either speak up and speak clearly or hang up the phone.
Ok, back to my point.
So, I ask what he's been doing all day. He says "playing games". "???", I ask. He says he is in a group of older women (in their 70's.....he is 37) and they are playing "getting to know you" games. Interesting, I think.....I'm sure he is blending in real well there. He explains how there is a board with dice and cards. The cards have questions ~ not easy questions for my husband. Questions like, "How do you feel around water?"....Me, I'd think of 1 word off the top of my head not wanting to waste anyones time -- he on the other hand is the type that would have to ponder and ponder until he gives the truthful answer. (Yes, I am really blessed that I have such an honest husband....I don't doubt his faithfulness or tall-tale stories at all....I say this honestly.)

So, its his turn and the card asks "Name the loneliest time in your life".....he says he thought about the time where he and I were seperated but didn't want to get into that drama with the little ol' ladies --
So, after the ladies are getting antsy for him to answer, trying to help him remember something....anything to get the game moving again....
He says, "I guess it would be the time I was in jail". Oh my God, I say......why in the world would he say that?!?!
Of course the little ol' ladies are sitting there stiff as boards....the air yanked right out of 'em....terrified to even blink an eye. Dead silence. A criminal at their table.

After the shock wears off, the game proceeds again. Little ol' lady to the left of him is rolling her dice, leans over to my husband and whispers in a trembling voice in his ear, "Did you only have to stay 1 night?".....and you know what my husband says??!?! I should be so proud to say his reply was, "Which time?!" He said they do not allow him to hold their bags anymore or help them out the door, etc... they keep their distance. I am sure they are fighting everyday, bickering amongst themselves on who will be chosen to sit by him.

I love this man dearly. Yes, his answer to his "getting to know you" questions was correct ~ but he did not need to use that one. My thinking would be...."when my grandpa died" or something....anything but telling the little ol' ladies how I had been in jail. Maybe he didn't think anything about it ~ maybe he wanted to get a reaction ~ I don't know. But I am sure he was not lying and telling the truth which I do appreciate him doing...but sometimes there is too much truth to be told.

So, I am not sure what he will be doing for a living. I have finally convinced him that being a "Park Ranger" isn't going to happen in this life-time. My mother wants he & I both to get into real estate. Me, that's fine if I do it -- but I can just see it now....

My husband shows a property in the back woods here in "hick-ville"....

*while driving his truck that is not 4 wheel drive everywhere on the land you would need a 4 wheel drive ~ because he's just like that.

*He'd be wearing a black felt cowboy hat in the summer, with a turkey feather sticking out of the headband. I might as well put a toothpick in his mouth while I'm at it.

*He'd be singing along to his "PBR" (Professional Bull Riders) CD.

*He'd have his dark shades on where when you looked at him, you'd see your own reflection in the mirrored lenses.

*He'd then pull out a cigarette....and actually light it.

*Big Red cans, honey bun wrappers and gun shells rolling all around the floorboard under his clients feet.

*He'd find the wettest, muddiest place of all to stop ~ at the furthest back corner of the property and shut off the engine.

*He'd get out and talk like a hillbilly, "Shur is perty out here!" "Hey, did I mention that body I found out here a couple 'years back underneith them there trees behind you?"

*The client would insist to leave and my husbands truck battery would be dead.

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Yes, some of these things are true about my husbands character. That is surely the reason people say opposites attract. I would be the stupid one leaving the house wanting to make a good impression, wearing high heels showing a client a farm.

But his sense of humor is a little off at times. Even though he'd have never found a body ~ I would never in a million years put it past him to say. First impressions speak volumes, don't they?!? Not that he would have to be fake in giving his ~ but give me a break.